Topsy Turvy

It’s a weird time in life.

Pandemic panic is a real thing as we sit quarantined in our “safe spaces”. The world has finally slowed down, and we are forced to sit still, with our thoughts, our worries, our hopes, and our creativity. 

Corona virus-COVID-19 has burned its way across the world. The United States is on lock down, and the originator-China, has just begun opening back up after over 3 full months of isolation. The virus attacks the respiratory system. Some cases are mild while others are deadly. The length of time you are riddled with the virus can be weeks, even up to a month. 20% will be hospitalized. The US has an average death rate of 6%. Everyone is susceptible. I’t airborne, lives on surfaces for days, and there’s no real signs. You can be a carrier without symptoms, but still infecting others. Those with symptoms might experience fever, a dry cough, shortness of breath, others will see an immediate and drastic decline ending in death.

So, here the world stays, tucked tightly in to their safe spaces. Working through the fears, the unknowns, and the uncertainty that each day brings. 6 weeks of isolation. A full month of work from home decrees. People are spending time outdoors, exercising, baking, chatting with friends, family, and people they haven’t interacted with in far too long.

We are settling into a slower, new normal. The world needed time to heal, regroup, provide a space for a rebirth in creativity and fresh ideas. The earth needed time to clear its air with the reduction in pollution. Earth is resetting itself. Humanity is resetting itself.

Are you resetting yourself?

Another Day-Another Dolla?

Why is it always about a “new year” and a “new you!”? I mean…what’s wrong with the old me…

Why do we wait until the new year to make ourselves a better version-get healthy, get fit, kick bad habits, be more mindful, see more family, be a better…blah blah blah. Look, no judgement-I fit into this category too which got me to thinking. We wait until the first of the year-because there are no more excuses, no more holidays, no more celebrations. The new year gives us a chance to slow down, settle back into a routine, find the bank after doggy paddling through the holiday season.

We made it to the other side, now what?

Maybe we’ve been so busy with everything going on around us, as the parties and festivities come to a close, we realize it’s just us now, so we go into hyper-drive: what can I fix? How do I plan? Our need to keep up with where we’ve been instead of settling into a season of calm. Maybe some of us are afraid of the quiet.

But, maybe the New Year is something special. Maybe it’s more than just the turn of a calendar page. Maybe there’s a little magic in the mystique of an opportunity to reinvent, give birth to us anew. Maybe it’s our chance to prove ourselves wrong… or right,

I’m wishing you all the best in this New Year and may you find your desires, meet your goals, and may your passions drive you to a bountiful year.

Wake Up

Most of my posts are reflective, light, and energetic. This post is a little different, but I think it’s important-if these words resonate with a single person-one day, even if it’s in a 100 years, then it’ll be worth the post.

If at any point, you evaluate your life and find that you are in a situation that is not healthy-please move on. I’m classifying anything healthy to include mental health, physical, emotional stability, and the sake of others in your care-ie. kids. I recognize the words are easier to read than the actions that take place. I recognize it’s easy for me to “tell you” what to do, but my hope is that you find the power within yourself, the strength, the courage to remove yourself.

I want more for you in this life. I want you to want more for you in this life.

Abuse, whether mental manipulation or physical, often does not happen just one time, and if allowed to continue, will escalate until the abused is hurt (beyond just mental ramifications) or murdered.

In fact, 31 percent of those convicted on a misdemeanor domestic violence charge were arrested again within a year of being released, according to the Center for Court Innovation, and 44 percent were arrested again within two years. (https://www.domesticshelters.org/domestic-violence-articles-information/will-it-happen-again#.WPoRG_nysdU)

There is help. There are abuse hotlines and forums. There are shelters. It will be an inconvenience to your life. It will be an upset. And it just may be what keeps you alive for the next scores of years.

Huffington Post posted this article in 2014, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/23/domestic-violence-statistics_n_5959776.html. Go check it out, it has some very real, very relate able statistics. I’m noting some of them below:

• 85% of Domestic Abuse is Directed to Women
• 3 Women are Murdered Every Day by a Current or Former Male Partner in the US
• Every Minute 20 People are Victims of Intimate Partner Violence
• 1 in 4 Women will be Victims of Severe Violence by an Intimate Partner in Their Lifetimes
• A Woman is Beaten every 9 Second in the US

Friends, the list continues. I urge you to read the article. I hope that the realization will be jarring, educational, and moving. Remember, we don’t know what others are going through or what is happening in their world. You can’t protect everyone, but please be willing to talk to someone, don’t be afraid that you’ll offend them.

You. May. Be. Their. Only. Lifeline.

If you’re wondering how you can help, be present. Communicate. Join a volunteer organization. Read some books (I just read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker). Educate yourself on the signs. Educate yourself on the resources out there. Donate old clothes and items to shelters.

Just because something is hard to face does NOT mean that it doesn’t exist. Life is happening to you and around you, looking the other way is not the answer.

Yes Adventure Overview

Still saying “yes” here! Even a year later:

• Started a New Job
• Met a Boy
• Got Engaged to Said Boy
• Skied for the First Time
• Bought a New Car (First Time Buyer)

Have I missed anything? I’m not sure, but it has been a busy year! It’s been exciting, riveting. I’m still travelling. Next month, I’m headed to the Bahamas for my first, ever cruise! Next year, I’m hoping for Africa or Antarctica. Gotta hit all 7 continents.

So, here’s what I’ve observed over the last year:

Life seems to find us when we find ourselves. When it finds us, it brings us more than we could have hoped for, dreamed of, or envisioned. Looking back on the last year, my life has changed and adapted. It’s curious to look back and remember the moments that carved this present-day life. And just as important as it is to observe where you’ve been and what’s brought you to this place, it’s important to remember the pieces of your soul that have not changed amidst life’s rotations.

I’m still hungry to learn, grow, and challenge myself. I’m still working on how to be financially independent to travel the world, guilt free. I’m learning, perhaps more importantly, that to have wings is good, but roots are important to keep you grounded. The world keeps spinning, you don’t want to fall off. I’m lucky to have found my person that roots me in place and cheers me on to fly.

Here’s to the next year, and the next, and the next. I’m looking forward to continuing my “yes” adventure, down the isle and through life.

See you guys on the other side!

Yes

I feel like, often times, I live by a “yes” mentality. Generally, I explain it like this. “I say yes within reason, as long as that yes is good for me.” 

I think the mentality comes from f-o-m-o: fear of missing out. I’ve never regretted a “yes” decision. Maybe it led me in a different direction, or maybe it took me to unfathomable places-scary places, but I’ve never looked back and thought, “yeah, I regret that movie date” or “I regret dinner with friends because I was tired.” Never. Those thoughts don’t intrude on the peace I find in spending time experiencing new things or cultivating my relationships. 

Most recently, and I’m sitting in an airport halfway around the world writing this, I traveled to Indonesia. It was on a complete whim and was never on the bucket list or travel radar, for what that’s worth! Never in a million years did I think I’d be in Indonesia, until an old friend updated me on the latest travel adventures and his backpack trip throughout south east Asia. 

“Carolyn, come to Thailand!” He said. He was emphatically explaining his time there, filled with culture indulgences, meeting new-forever friends, and gushing about his newly received scuba certification. Until that day in the beginning of March, I hadn’t heard from him in about a month. But, as I’m one with a “yes” mentality (something I’ve been actively working on with myself over the last 18 months or so), I started looking into flights. Boom! The flights were reasonable…heck, dare I say cheap? I skyped my friend of 8 years as he sat in a hotel room in some obscure part of Thailand; I told him the ticket prices, and I emphatically said, “I’m doing this!” The next morning, I sent an email asking off work for a two full week period just under a month in advance, and waited on pins and needles as the response pended from my supervisor and the VP of Operations. 

“Approved.” I read the e-mail several times. I shook my head in silent disbelief as I sat in the six foot tall, grey four by four cubicle. “Wow. I’m doing this.” I thought to myself. “I’m heading halfway around the world!” During another conversation within a two day period (as we waited for a response for the request of time off), we decided Bali was next on the list, and would give my friend a reason to leave beautiful Thailand to continue his travels. So, Indonesia it was. I booked my ticket on a Thursday, three weeks in advance, and took a deep breath. 

The count down began. The time drew closer and closer, so quickly. I guess I got lost in life. And as the Saturday of takeoff fast approached, I never felt regretful, uneasy, or nervous about the trip. I could only think about the excitement I felt to be doing something for myself and by myself. I was going to fly halfway around the world , twenty four hours all by myself. I had figured out accommodations and travel arrangements from the airport, and I was as ready as I could be. With my backpack packed, there was nothing left to do but get on the plane. 

And so I did. 

And so I did. I got on that plane. I made new friends. I saw a piece of this world so many other will never see. And as the taxi pulled up to the accommodation for the first night, I checked in, and walked to my room. As I sat on my bed at 1:30 in the morning nearly thirty six hours later (with time difference) I teared up. I had done it. I had made it. The few plans I had made worked. I was safe. And while I was tired, I had done it. I gave myself that moment. I breathed a sigh of relief, allowed myself to feel accomplished, and drifted to sleep. 

I don’t regret a moment of the trip. Bali is a third world country, something I wasn’t quite prepared for but ready to meet head on. 

I got hugged by monkies, kissed by elephants, snorkeled with gigantic tutles, experienced night life, and integrated into the backpacker community, at least for a short while. It’s amazing. Truly this special time in life, the moments when you see someone at the same bus stop or boat stop, waiting for the same means of transportation, the same person you connected with the night before at a community event or during a travel expedition. You don’t feel alone. You feel validated. Encourage. Empowered. Alive. 

People from all over the world, experiencing this crazy life, living this crazy life, together. You are all one. One community, one companionship. Together forging forward through this world in a brave way, the best we know how. And just like that, you find community, family, and hope. 

So, I traveled halfway around the world on a whim. I don’t regret it. I’m more hungry for life than ever before. I have none to thank other than my friend. The one I met on my own backpacking excision eight years ago. 

So, those who read this, may you find inspiration and maybe hope.  I wish for  you that you find everything in this life for which you search. I’m already excited to hear about your findings! Please push through your limitations. Please take a step in the direction of something for which you’re afraid. Make this life something you’re living and not just coasting. I want more for you. I need you to want more for you. Find happiness. Find assurance.  Find new miracles everyday. 

Safe travels through your journey. I’m traveling with you.  There are strength in numbers. 

Welcome to the “yes” adventure, my friends. 

Oh, Hey…

Hey there, writing…where have you been?

Two years is an awfully long time to not be practicing something you love.  So what happened?  Was it a loss of inspiration…and is that really an “excuse”?  Was it a loss of discipline?  Was it a loss of self?

The entirety of our existence is spent identifying who we are.  Every day.  Every breath.  Every experience.  Each ties into what we are, who we are, and where we are.

So, what am I, who am I, where am I?  Good questions.  The answers will change.  We change, people change.  We are malleable.  Whom we are reflects what is around us.  People, experiences, fears, wonders; hey, even the weather.

So today, I am pursuer of a dream forgotten.  I am driven to accomplish goals.  I am here, present in each moment embracing each changing day.  My motives, thoughts, and movements impact the world around me.  The next question, how will I color my universe?

Who are you?  What are you?  Where are you?

Just Breathe

Breathe in the moments.

Feel the sun on your face, the wind in your hair, and the happiness in your heart.

Breathe in the possibilities.

Take a step from your comfort zone, run when you should walk, and try something new.

Breathe in joy, breathe out fear.

Too much of life is spent looking at what could have been, should have been, almost was, but just not quite there. We spend too much time planning and prepping and hoping and dreaming and then just being disappointed when it was, isn’t what we expected, thought we needed.

To need and to want are finely defined, hard to differentiate in the moment and separately defined by each individual.

We need air to breathe. Food to eat. Water to drink. For these things allow our bodies to continue in this life. We need heartache for character. Laughter for integrity. Hope for darkness. For these things are imperative to the soul to continue in this life.

We want to be apart of something bigger than ourselves. We want to feel pain, to release it, to embrace it. We want these things, for they make us feel alive. We want perfection, from ourselves and others. We want expectations to be met, understood without necessary preparation. For these things allow us to feel valued.

Breathe in understanding.

Understand the needs of your physical self and the spirit.

Breathe in acceptance.

Accept your wants, accept each one for they give life and keep the soul alive.

Close your eyes, clear your mind, and breathe.

Can You?

Can you feel it?

Can you feel the calmness, the happiness? Can you taste the perfection in the wind as it gently soothes the soul? Can you see peace in the quiet Texas sky?

Can you remember the moments that have taken you to where you are today? The ups and the downs, the fears, the worry?

Sometimes, it’s hard to remember the moments that brought you to this place. Sometimes it’s hard to envision the if’s, the and’s, and the but’s.

Can you feel it?

Life taking hold of who you are. Your soul finding its place in the world and drifting into a secured happiness. The moment where the events in life begin to fit into one another like puzzle pieces.

In these moments, remember to be thankful. Remember from where you’ve come. Remember what you went through to get here. Remember who you are. Remember that life isn’t always easy, but the tunnel doesn’t last forever.

So, feel it. Embrace it. Live it.

Full Circle

The moment of clarity when the life begins to fall into a place you never knew you wanted. The moment where things begin to flow into a rhythm of simplistic comfort. The moment right before the drowsy happiness of everyday life hypothesizes momentum into complacency.

The moment the rug is pulled from the stander, and everything comes crashing down.

Maybe not a rug, but an earthquake occurs and rocks the lego-house of complacency. When opportunity arises, do we take it or leave it? Do we allow ourselves to be so scared of the friction that we forget about the foundation that’s been built to sustain and support such life-quakes?

Is the risk worth the reward?

You’ll never know if you don’t take the risk. And are we always designed to come out on top? No, I don’t think so, but at the end of the day, the experimenter can say, “At least I tried.”

Because at the end of the day, what’s the worst that can happen?

Long Time Coming

It’s funny where life takes us, deposits us, and before we know it, hands us almost everything we could of asked for. It’s funny that life can be so miraculous. That time is so fleeting. And that the moments that we remember most are all in preparation to where we are in this new moment.

It’s in every experience that we are shaped and molded for new experiences. When life seems claustrophobic and you feel like you’re downing, sometimes the most we can do is keep our head above water, try to float, and take as many breaths as possible. These moments aren’t designed to be easy, they are given to us to make us appreciate the shore, when we finally make it. They are given to us to ensure we appreciate the wind on the shore, the sand beneath our feet, and the sky when the stars are shining at their brightest.

It takes lying at the bottom of the ocean to appreciate even finding the surface, but how amazing is it to see the bright sun shining after such darkness? How amazing is it to find that our lapse of fight has allowed us to drift in new directions? It has taken us on new paths, and introduced us to things we never expected. These things are more than we could of asked for, and from here the only acceptable feeling is thankfulness. Thankful that the greater powers in this world know what we need when we have no words to describe it. Thankful that we are pulled from the bottom at the very last second to fulfill our inner most prayers that we never knew we were voicing. And so thankful, that those past experiences allow us to fully appreciate the present.

So, remember this: You are beautiful. You are stronger than you ever knew. You are on your way to something, bigger and better. Remember how the darkness feels now. Remember how it suffocates the happiness from you, because when the light starts to shine at the end of the tunnel, be ready for it! Run for it and fight.

Remember: Life will take you where you are meant to be, have faith, be patient, and live.